It has been over 18 months since I last blogged.
I can't say why.
I don't blog for anyone else but myself so maybe that has been the issue all along. So let's just be honest and get this out there.
I am finding being in my twenties really sucks. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously not as controlling as I am. I mean, seriously, if I could hop into a time machine and go into the future to see what, and who, I would be in 10 years time I would do it.
No question.
With that said, I don't want to be embarrassed about the books I like anymore.
Do I like the Classics?
Absolutely. They helped me learn so much about literature and, ultimately, set me on the road of discovering what it is I truly like.
I have never been dishonest about my love of Fantasy.
But then, I am embarrassed to say that I don't necessarily correct those who wrongly assume that includes Sci-Fi.
So now that I am both pursuing a PhD in English Literature and writing a book (which has spawned 4 others and it's own spin off somehow!) I am ready to be honest with myself instead of being a snob.
My business is Fantasy. I love it. And by this I don't mean vampires, werewolves, aliens etc. All of that is a given. I mean Fantasy as a yearning, a thirst for some feeling(s) that you can only get through books, such as love, hate, pain, an exploration of sexuality that would otherwise be closed to you.
That kind of thing.
I love the endless possibilities it creates in my mind.
I love the different things it makes me feel when I read it.
I love how I can put down all of the emotions I feel when I put pen to paper.
And when I find something that brings alive all of those fantasies I read and then re-read it. Most recently a book helped me deal with never having truly dealt with the betrayal of my father leaving when I was a child. Books are the only thing I would ever trust enough to do that and it came about after I felt intense anger and hatred over a character forgiving her sister for betraying her.
I had to question why I felt so strongly about it that I could not pick up the book for 2 months to finish it.
And there it was.
So for those who know me the most this isn't exactly some kind of grand revelation. It is not any kind of revelation in fact.
I'm just being honest with myself.
And that feels damn good.
N x
10/23/2014
4/04/2013
Lover At Last - #11 in The BlackDagger Brotherhood Series
Ok, it has been a while since I have posted (clearly I suck at new years resolutions!) and I now find myself posting in defence of J.R. Ward's latest offering in her BDB Series.After reading the previous 10 books in the series, I have been waiting patiently (which, believe me, is very uncharacteristic of me) for Qhuinn and Blay's story. The relationship between the two, as well as the introduction of the Band of Bastards, has been building up slowly over the last few books. So when it was finally released just a week ago, I found myself sitting at my desk at work, itching to get home so I could read it.
And read it I did...in one night.
And then I read it again.
Reading the other books, I was one of the people who firmly believed Qhuinn and Blay deserved to have a book dedicated to them just like the other brothers had.
But anyone who read Lover Reborn, book 10 in the series that centred on the brother, Tohrment would know that after 10 books the story was in need of being refreshed.
So now, after reading some reviews on Amazon that call this book a "disappointment" and centred too much on "aggressive sex" I feel like I need a place to vent my frustrations on how clearly and disappointingly some people have interpreted this book.
Don't get me wrong, I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't agree with them! Especially when it seems to me that what they want out of the book is completely different to what they seemed to love about the 10 books that came before!
I do, however, agree with one thing, and that is that John Matthew barely registers in this one. As the best friend of both Qhuinn and Blay, not to mention the fact that Qhuinn and John are supposed to be attached at the hip, I think he should have been factored into the story a lot more than he was.
I firmly disagree, and frankly it pisses me off a little when some suggest that the sex between Qhuinn and Blay could have been "beautiful".
Guess what? It is.
And since when has the sex ever been all that mushy, generic crap in the other books anyway?
Never.
The whole point is that they are not that generic stuff you can find in any Mills & Boon novel. And with Qhuinn and Blay what comes out the most in these scenes is supposed to be desperation and things left unspoken and attempted to be communicated through actions.
Anyone who tells me that the other books were not like this has never read the books properly. On this I refuse to budge.
In any case, the thing with the entire book is that it lacks a little bit of the violence and physicality we readers of Ward's series are traditionally used to. With the introduction of Assail and Sola's relationship, I think we are not supposed to feel like we know where the series is going or what their relationship fits in. This is compounded by the fact that Assail is (or rather is attempting) to be entirely neutral in this war.
This is just one example of the tension in this book.
Does it slap you across the face with it? No.
Are you questioning how Assail fits into all of this? Absolutely.
On top of this is the question of Layla's pregnancy by Qhuinn and her undeniable connection to Xcor. But whilst Layla irritates me to no end, I personally cannot wait to see what happens when Qhuinn and the rest of the Brothers find out what is happening between the two. It is almost impossible to come up with any kind of idea of what will happen because I know I will be wrong regardless.
I also agree with the fact that Qhuinn's induction into the Brotherhood should have been given more airtime than it got. This was such a momentus thing to have happened that it should have been a much bigger deal. I felt it was a little rushed.
Overall, I think the whole point of this book was that it is a book that needs to be read and taken for what it is.
It acts as a transition between the past 10 books and the books to come.
It is a consideration of the way things stand now. Everything is at a stand-still with neither side knowing what the other is planning to do next. The whole book is riddled with tension and anxiety. It is the part of a war where all sides are on red-alert and one move could decide the outcome of everything.
And in the middle of this waiting are two guys who finally decide to stop fighting each other because they may not live much longer once the war blows up again.
12/31/2012
My Year - 2012
2012 has been a hectic year this year.
I finished my Masters in English Literature, finishing with a Distinction and I am very proud of that. It took a lot out of me and I went through a barrage of emotions for much of the year, even thinking at one time that I couldn't do it and it would be easier for me to just give up.
It makes me proud that I stuck with it, that I gritted my teeth, hunkered down, and got on with it. The end result is what was born from, for the most part, sheer determination.
I also found that, having spent three years as an undergradute who hated anything to do with postcolonial literature, as a postgraduate I experienced a new love for it. And with this new love, I used my newfound knowledge and admiration for Queer Theory (for which I have an intense interest) I read Stephen Gray's Time Of Our Darkness and wrote an essay, the experience of which it is unlikely I will ever forget.
After writing my Masters dissertation I started a book which quickly developed into a 5 book, and then 6 book, series! I call it my baby because I think it saved me from entering a kind of post-degree panic about what I was going to do career-wise.
I took part in NaNoWriMo in November and ended up with an almost finished draft of a novel I had no idea I had any desire to write to begin with. I learned a lot from my NaNo experience. The way I write, plan, and even feel about writing was drastically changed from the way I had previously gone about my writing before it.
It doesn't seem like I achieved much but in a personal way, I am proud of my achievements however small they may seem.
Next year I hope to have finished reading The Crimson Petal and the White (a book I started earlier this year but could not finish once I entered into the serious end of Masters) and to have finished my NaNoWriMo novel and my baby. I hope that by December 2013, I am on my way up in my chosen career of publishing.
But more than that, I hope that my family and I can continue to be happy and healthy.
Happy New Year everyone! I hope it's a great one!
:)
I finished my Masters in English Literature, finishing with a Distinction and I am very proud of that. It took a lot out of me and I went through a barrage of emotions for much of the year, even thinking at one time that I couldn't do it and it would be easier for me to just give up.
It makes me proud that I stuck with it, that I gritted my teeth, hunkered down, and got on with it. The end result is what was born from, for the most part, sheer determination.
I also found that, having spent three years as an undergradute who hated anything to do with postcolonial literature, as a postgraduate I experienced a new love for it. And with this new love, I used my newfound knowledge and admiration for Queer Theory (for which I have an intense interest) I read Stephen Gray's Time Of Our Darkness and wrote an essay, the experience of which it is unlikely I will ever forget.
After writing my Masters dissertation I started a book which quickly developed into a 5 book, and then 6 book, series! I call it my baby because I think it saved me from entering a kind of post-degree panic about what I was going to do career-wise.
I took part in NaNoWriMo in November and ended up with an almost finished draft of a novel I had no idea I had any desire to write to begin with. I learned a lot from my NaNo experience. The way I write, plan, and even feel about writing was drastically changed from the way I had previously gone about my writing before it.
It doesn't seem like I achieved much but in a personal way, I am proud of my achievements however small they may seem.
Next year I hope to have finished reading The Crimson Petal and the White (a book I started earlier this year but could not finish once I entered into the serious end of Masters) and to have finished my NaNoWriMo novel and my baby. I hope that by December 2013, I am on my way up in my chosen career of publishing.
But more than that, I hope that my family and I can continue to be happy and healthy.
Happy New Year everyone! I hope it's a great one!
:)
My NaNoWriMo - week 4!
And so it came down to this final week of November. My tree and I entered the week feeling foolishly arrogant about finishing on time because this was the week I was asked to intern at an amazing company.
After working all day I found myself too tired to write anything so I was a bit lax on meeting my word count targets for each day and by the time the 29th came around, I was in a mild panic that I would fall at the last hurdle.
I had 6000 words left to write and barely any time at all to catch up properly. And this was where I needed to put my essaying cap back on. I suppose in many ways, having just finished my Masters helped me to grit my teeth and push through my tiredness to finish.
The obstacle I needed to get through this final week was nothing big. It was just time. Time was running away from me and I needed to get through it and catch up.
And I did. At 10 minutes to midnight, I finally finished the 50,000 words. The novel is nowhere near finished but NaNoWriMo helped me to put a considerable dent in a novel I never knew was swimming around in my head to begin with.
And that is the best part of my NaNoWriMo experience. :)
Expected NaNo Word Count at end of week 4: 50,000
My Word Count: 50,078
After working all day I found myself too tired to write anything so I was a bit lax on meeting my word count targets for each day and by the time the 29th came around, I was in a mild panic that I would fall at the last hurdle.
I had 6000 words left to write and barely any time at all to catch up properly. And this was where I needed to put my essaying cap back on. I suppose in many ways, having just finished my Masters helped me to grit my teeth and push through my tiredness to finish.
The obstacle I needed to get through this final week was nothing big. It was just time. Time was running away from me and I needed to get through it and catch up.
And I did. At 10 minutes to midnight, I finally finished the 50,000 words. The novel is nowhere near finished but NaNoWriMo helped me to put a considerable dent in a novel I never knew was swimming around in my head to begin with.
And that is the best part of my NaNoWriMo experience. :)
Expected NaNo Word Count at end of week 4: 50,000
My Word Count: 50,078
E L James Wins Award.... no seriously!
Anyone who read my last post on 50 Shades of Grey being nominated for a National Book Award should know by now how I feel about the most overrated book to have possibly ever been published.
In my lifetime anyway (although, I am sure that had I been alive since the beginning of literature on this earth I would feel the same way. A claim I cannot possibly prove but I stand by nonetheless because of my dislike of this book).
Well, she only went and won the award. I am perfectly aware the James was nominated for the Popular Fiction of the Year Award and there is no doubt that the book was popular if sales are anything to go by.
But book sales is exactly where the popularity of this book ends for me. And, though sales are what is most likely the most important thing for a publisher but I am not sold on this proving the book's popularity. And enough for it to win an award for popularity? Give me a break!
Nowadays you would be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn't read 50 Shades yet. And maybe it is just me, but I have yet to speak to or hear of a single person (Tulisa from the X Factor doesn't count) who actually liked the book. Just because a person has read or bought a book and then talked about it does not make it popular. And it seems everyone was talking about the wretched thing this year, but again, that does not generate popularity.
Award organisers say that "the award recognises the massive impact Fifty Shades of Grey has made this year; the blockbusting title undoubtedly whipped up quite a stir from the publishing industry, media and consumers alike".
Nope, still proves nothing!
Did the book cause a stir? Yes. Was it a blockbuster title? Without a doubt. But it was also poorly written, conceived, and characterised.
And just what was the supposed "massive impact" of this book? A supposed liberation of sex and sexuality that breathed life into erotic literature. Um, not exactly!
Whilst erotica has undoubtedly been renewed. But it also does what I consider to be disturbing. It is not liberating. It is, for want of a better word, hateful.
And that, in my opinion, means that 50 Shades of Grey is not deserving of the Popular Fiction of the Year because it is not popular.
But then, that's just my opinion.
:)
In my lifetime anyway (although, I am sure that had I been alive since the beginning of literature on this earth I would feel the same way. A claim I cannot possibly prove but I stand by nonetheless because of my dislike of this book).
Well, she only went and won the award. I am perfectly aware the James was nominated for the Popular Fiction of the Year Award and there is no doubt that the book was popular if sales are anything to go by.
But book sales is exactly where the popularity of this book ends for me. And, though sales are what is most likely the most important thing for a publisher but I am not sold on this proving the book's popularity. And enough for it to win an award for popularity? Give me a break!
Nowadays you would be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn't read 50 Shades yet. And maybe it is just me, but I have yet to speak to or hear of a single person (Tulisa from the X Factor doesn't count) who actually liked the book. Just because a person has read or bought a book and then talked about it does not make it popular. And it seems everyone was talking about the wretched thing this year, but again, that does not generate popularity.
Award organisers say that "the award recognises the massive impact Fifty Shades of Grey has made this year; the blockbusting title undoubtedly whipped up quite a stir from the publishing industry, media and consumers alike".
Nope, still proves nothing!
Did the book cause a stir? Yes. Was it a blockbuster title? Without a doubt. But it was also poorly written, conceived, and characterised.
And just what was the supposed "massive impact" of this book? A supposed liberation of sex and sexuality that breathed life into erotic literature. Um, not exactly!
Whilst erotica has undoubtedly been renewed. But it also does what I consider to be disturbing. It is not liberating. It is, for want of a better word, hateful.
And that, in my opinion, means that 50 Shades of Grey is not deserving of the Popular Fiction of the Year because it is not popular.
But then, that's just my opinion.
:)
My NaNoWriMo - Week 3!
Having changed the genre of my novel in week 2, I was feeling much more optimistic about my novel than I had been in the beginning.
Visiting my sister in Birmingham was a great opportunity for me to indulge in writing and thinking about my novel all week. You have to understand, this was my idea of heaven and it seemed like a great idea, one that I have often dreamed of.
What actually happened was not quite the same as what I had pictured, well, lusted over morelike. But once I was there, writing no longer felt like a pleasure but chore. I thought up endless scenes in my mind for most of my days there but getting down to actually writing everything I had conjured up in my mind proved to be not so easy.
What was I missing? It was actually the simplest thing and I chided myself for not having seen it sooner.
Layers. I needed more layers, and not just for F but for the novel as a whole.
I imagined a tree and all of the different branches that come out of it. And from all of those there are other branches, and others.
So I drew one. An actual tree with branches and on each branch I wrote the name of each character and how they factored into F's life. It sounds pathetically simple and childish but it was the only tool I had to continue my novel. This way I had a larger vision of what I wanted my novel to be which in turn enabled me to visualise more clearly how the scenes I had thought up would fit into the novel.
The NaNoWriMo advisors suggest participants do not plan their novels but fingertips to computer keys (or pen to paper) and write whatever comes to mind with their novel. Whilst this is a good idea in theory, this did not work for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I plan everything.
I tried not to but I couldn't do it. What can I say? I'm a control freak when it comes to my writing and darn proud of it too!
Expected NaNo Word Count at end of Week 3: 35,000
My Word Count: 35,017
-Catch up on week 1 and week 2 of my NaNo experiences!
Visiting my sister in Birmingham was a great opportunity for me to indulge in writing and thinking about my novel all week. You have to understand, this was my idea of heaven and it seemed like a great idea, one that I have often dreamed of.
What actually happened was not quite the same as what I had pictured, well, lusted over morelike. But once I was there, writing no longer felt like a pleasure but chore. I thought up endless scenes in my mind for most of my days there but getting down to actually writing everything I had conjured up in my mind proved to be not so easy.
What was I missing? It was actually the simplest thing and I chided myself for not having seen it sooner.
Layers. I needed more layers, and not just for F but for the novel as a whole.
I imagined a tree and all of the different branches that come out of it. And from all of those there are other branches, and others.
So I drew one. An actual tree with branches and on each branch I wrote the name of each character and how they factored into F's life. It sounds pathetically simple and childish but it was the only tool I had to continue my novel. This way I had a larger vision of what I wanted my novel to be which in turn enabled me to visualise more clearly how the scenes I had thought up would fit into the novel.
The NaNoWriMo advisors suggest participants do not plan their novels but fingertips to computer keys (or pen to paper) and write whatever comes to mind with their novel. Whilst this is a good idea in theory, this did not work for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I plan everything.
I tried not to but I couldn't do it. What can I say? I'm a control freak when it comes to my writing and darn proud of it too!
Expected NaNo Word Count at end of Week 3: 35,000
My Word Count: 35,017
-Catch up on week 1 and week 2 of my NaNo experiences!
My NaNoWriMo - Week 2!
I've been away doing lots of great things at my internship so this post is way overdue!
Week 2 of my NaNoWriMo experience was the hardest of all the weeks in November. I was so far behind the word count by the time the second week came hurtling towards me that I began to question how smart I had been for beginning so late in the game.
In truth, pride was the only thing that kept me from giving up and deciding that this whole thing was simply too much trouble and that I could always start again next year on November 1st.
Once I had (re)committed myself to the project, I began to think about the overall plot and how I would start the novel. I always start at the beginning whenever I write a novel and then write whatever comes into my head with the idea of filling in the rest later on when I know how to join things together. It's a messy method on the surface but there is order to it, and it works for me.
Writing a Crime/Thriller novel for the first time ever was going to be a difficult task. Funnily enough, the name of my protagonist was the hardest of all I had to come up with. I tentatively settled on a name with a mind to change it later (at this point, any name was good enough with me. I would have named her Bob if I had to).
In short, P (no surname) was a detective trying to unravel the mystery surrounding her husband's death. It sounds super simple but there is a lot more to it, and as it is still a work in progress, sharing it on here would not be great until I have decided on the ending 100%. I might share bits and pieces of it on here at a later time.
The problem I ran into in this second week of furious writing was P. I needed to construct a character who had been through a life-changing ordeal. Since this event happens at the beginning of the book, I ran into a lot of difficulty portraying her as a character who is devastated by her the loss of her husband. The difficult was not just in this but in how to communicate the gravity of her loss to the reader.
As a reader, I must have been drawn towards that part of my task and decided that it was more to focus on the reader and then building on P so that I she would eventually have more layers to her.
I was wrong to do this, however.
I quickly came to realise that P came across as cold and totally unrelateable. Of course, I have read books in which it is the author's intention to make the main character unrelateable to the reader but this was not what I intended. In fact, my vision for the novel was for the reader to empathise with P.
This was not the case and, midway through the second week, I was running out of ideas on how I was going to move into the main part of the novel. By this time, I also had to admit that I had a protagonist I did not particularly like. She was two-dimensional, cold, hard, and I really did not care for her at all.
The guys who give advice on NaNoWriMo advise participants to write and to continue and push through these difficult periods and not to change their novel at any point. I did not want to do that but I knew that there needed to be some compromise on my part if I was to complete the 50,000 word count by the end of the month.
So I did so and was astounded by how much easier things became. I switched to the genre I was comfortable using - Fantasy, and began to write. The sense of renewed inspiration and optimism I felt was something I had not been expecting and I began to write.
Simply switching my characters from humans to werewolves (I have an intense love of werewolves that I cannot begin to describe, and I'm damn proud of it) made my writing so much more pleasurable.
The first sign that I had made the right decision in choosing to switch genres was the way in which P's name changed so effortlessly to the character I will call 'F'. Although F was emotionally the same as P at the beginning of this new novel, I found that it was easier for me to develop a main character with whom it was easier to understand her emotional state. It was incredible how the simplest change of genre could reinvigorate a novel that was failing before it had even really begun.
I suppose that a lot of my difficulty may have been due to the fact that I was broaching into unknown territory by writing a Crime novel. I have no doubt that much of my inability to break through to the main body of my original draft was due to the Crime genre I had originally chosen. The fact that the fog seemed to clear once I switched to Fantasy only reaffirms this. By day 14, I had caught up with the word count and was feeling happy and renewed about the rest of my NaNoWriMo experience.
Expected NaNo Word Count at end of Week 2: 23,333
My Word Count: 23,555
-read Week 1 of my NaNo experience here!
Week 2 of my NaNoWriMo experience was the hardest of all the weeks in November. I was so far behind the word count by the time the second week came hurtling towards me that I began to question how smart I had been for beginning so late in the game.
In truth, pride was the only thing that kept me from giving up and deciding that this whole thing was simply too much trouble and that I could always start again next year on November 1st.
Once I had (re)committed myself to the project, I began to think about the overall plot and how I would start the novel. I always start at the beginning whenever I write a novel and then write whatever comes into my head with the idea of filling in the rest later on when I know how to join things together. It's a messy method on the surface but there is order to it, and it works for me.
Writing a Crime/Thriller novel for the first time ever was going to be a difficult task. Funnily enough, the name of my protagonist was the hardest of all I had to come up with. I tentatively settled on a name with a mind to change it later (at this point, any name was good enough with me. I would have named her Bob if I had to).
In short, P (no surname) was a detective trying to unravel the mystery surrounding her husband's death. It sounds super simple but there is a lot more to it, and as it is still a work in progress, sharing it on here would not be great until I have decided on the ending 100%. I might share bits and pieces of it on here at a later time.
The problem I ran into in this second week of furious writing was P. I needed to construct a character who had been through a life-changing ordeal. Since this event happens at the beginning of the book, I ran into a lot of difficulty portraying her as a character who is devastated by her the loss of her husband. The difficult was not just in this but in how to communicate the gravity of her loss to the reader.
As a reader, I must have been drawn towards that part of my task and decided that it was more to focus on the reader and then building on P so that I she would eventually have more layers to her.
I was wrong to do this, however.
I quickly came to realise that P came across as cold and totally unrelateable. Of course, I have read books in which it is the author's intention to make the main character unrelateable to the reader but this was not what I intended. In fact, my vision for the novel was for the reader to empathise with P.
This was not the case and, midway through the second week, I was running out of ideas on how I was going to move into the main part of the novel. By this time, I also had to admit that I had a protagonist I did not particularly like. She was two-dimensional, cold, hard, and I really did not care for her at all.
The guys who give advice on NaNoWriMo advise participants to write and to continue and push through these difficult periods and not to change their novel at any point. I did not want to do that but I knew that there needed to be some compromise on my part if I was to complete the 50,000 word count by the end of the month.
So I did so and was astounded by how much easier things became. I switched to the genre I was comfortable using - Fantasy, and began to write. The sense of renewed inspiration and optimism I felt was something I had not been expecting and I began to write.
Simply switching my characters from humans to werewolves (I have an intense love of werewolves that I cannot begin to describe, and I'm damn proud of it) made my writing so much more pleasurable.
The first sign that I had made the right decision in choosing to switch genres was the way in which P's name changed so effortlessly to the character I will call 'F'. Although F was emotionally the same as P at the beginning of this new novel, I found that it was easier for me to develop a main character with whom it was easier to understand her emotional state. It was incredible how the simplest change of genre could reinvigorate a novel that was failing before it had even really begun.
I suppose that a lot of my difficulty may have been due to the fact that I was broaching into unknown territory by writing a Crime novel. I have no doubt that much of my inability to break through to the main body of my original draft was due to the Crime genre I had originally chosen. The fact that the fog seemed to clear once I switched to Fantasy only reaffirms this. By day 14, I had caught up with the word count and was feeling happy and renewed about the rest of my NaNoWriMo experience.
Expected NaNo Word Count at end of Week 2: 23,333
My Word Count: 23,555
-read Week 1 of my NaNo experience here!
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